DUBLIN-COLUMBUS, OHIO, USA – On April 7, 2012 The Short North Arts District Gallery Hop ended it long 28 year run as the city’s premier art happening. But fear not art fans, a new Gallery Hop will take it’s place. Fittingly announced on Easter Sunday, Dublin-Columbus’ top three neighborhoods announced that the Gallery Hop will resurrect next month as The Short North Arena-Brewery District Gallery Hop. Somewhat confusing to Dublin-Columbus residents is the fact that the physical boundaries of the SNABDGH will remain the same as the old Gallery Hop.
Tom Dumb, spokesperson for the newly formed Short North Arena-Brewery District said that “the recent combination of Dublin-Columbus showed us the benefits of regional cooperation. Not everyone knows where the Short North is, but if you add the totality of the Dublin-Columbus population, some know where the Arena District is and others know where the Brewery District is. Our research shows that those that don’t know where the Short North is located would benefit by adding the Arena and Brewery Districts to our name. These same people for some reason think that the Short North is in Cleveland or Cincinnati and cannot be bothered to look where the Short North is located on the internet. We thought the added name recognition of the other Districts will attract tens of more visitors to the new Hop.”
But don’t count on those new visitors parking in Italian Village. The Village hired known anti-cooperation advocate and parochialist @wyliemac to speak on it’s behalf. “First, let me state that I am not anti-cooperation or parochial. That tag was given to me as an attempt to marginalize my valid concerns by a highly placed individual. But I was happy to be so attacked, because it shows me that they are afraid of me and my “anti-cooperation” views. Now, to the topic at hand. Italian Village was not approached by the three super districts to be included in the name of the new Gallery Hop. This act of omissive aggression is counter to the cooperation ethic that Dublin-Columbus aspires to. Italian Village declares our right of compete. Henceforth, Italian Village will not allow Gallery Hop patrons to park within our neighborhood. And we plan to start a smaller more intimate event which will feature art only.”
This reporter got tired of hearing @wyliemac ramble on, so he went to the nearest bar in the Short North Arena Brewery District, which wasn’t far because bars outnumber galleries there.
The Short North Arena Brewery District is but one example of the growing trend of cooperation and consolidation within Dublin-Columbus. It is rumored that Dine Originals is very close to announcing that Wendy’s will be joining their group to give the group a much needed hot and juicy marketing push.
No one from Dine Originals could be found to comment, but extrapolating an argument given by a Board Member to @wyliemac on a popular city message board, we surmise that Dine Originals’ reason for brining Wendy’s on board is that your hipsters and foodies know where to go in Dublin-Columbus for original food. But that number drops much closer to 0% with the test market demographic that makes up the general Dublin-Columbus public. Wendy’s brings more exposure to the Dine Original members because it is a gazillion times bigger and more recognizable to the test market crowd that is incapable of using Yelp to search for alternative dining experiences. It’s truly a win-win scenario and shows what cooperation can do.
Forgetting to mention this fact to @wyliemac for comment, this reporter went back to the Italian Village press conference where @wyliemac was still rambling on. Told of this fact, @wyliemac left the press conference dejectedly and tweeted “SMH. I’m taking my talents to Dublin, CA.”
Obviously, this is a work of fiction.
A note on my previous post, some on the ColumbusUnderground message board pointed out that my post may have unnecessarily thrown Columbus resident’s under the bus. That’s probably true, but that was not my intent. I was writing to try and prove a point, and I truly apologize if anyone in Columbus took offense.
I don’t think the powers that be that made the Dublin-Columbus decision really want to hear my input, given that they really did try to marginalize me. But as I wrote above, I’m cool with and honored by that. It is a moral victory. Why else would they do that if I didn’t touch a nerve? I messaged that person on Facebook and truly laughed about it with him. We are cool. At least from my perspective. He’s a great guy that has contributed many many things to making Columbus a great place to live. Much more than I have contributed. I can’t touch a candle to his contribution.
I still want to talk to Experience Columbus and hear what they say though.
I really won’t blog about this issue anymore, unless something blog worthy pops up. I won’t really say too much more about it on my main twitter account. Emphasis on main.
I know that my chances of getting the President’s Cup to be properly identified as being in Dublin, Ohio is nil. But I will keep a stiff upper lip and …
KEEP CALM AND MOCK ON …
on the @DublinColumbus Twitter and Instagram accounts.
I will promote the heck out of the President’s Cup and will be proud and grateful of the contributions of EVERYONE that helped bring the event to Dublin. I would love to volunteer for the event. If the organizers want my help, they know where to reach me.
And I will still buy official President’s Cup gear, even if it says Dublin-Columbus, Ohio. I’ll just have to make a patch to cover up “Columbus” and perhaps scrawl in its place DMFO. Unless I’m volunteering, and in which case, I won’t do such thing.